All posts by Slimeball0

Okay, motivation has struck me, so we’re doing this now, besides that, I’d like to mention that this series is very loosely based off of Cinemasins' Everything Wrong With series (although to be real the only real similarity is the title format) and the original set of posts of this type were first created all the way back in 2022 by user Mike4678. That said, let’s see how trash this game really is.

1. Right off the bat, I shouldn’t have been given the option to send feedback trough a like/dislike system, since y’all know that I’m gonna make it my personal objective to press dislike every. Single. Time.

2. Square pigs. I cannot stress how ffffffreaking messed up their presence is, and the best part is that they’re actually more common than the regular round variant, what the actual fork

3. Appearantly this game went trough some sort of overhaul update a while back that turned its progression system into a season pass. So not only do I get to complain more about the mere presence of season passes and how I despise most of them, but also:

4. The addition of a season pass poofs any resemblance of a story that this game once had out of existence, it wasn’t that great in the first place, but now it’s worse, congratulations, Rovio.

5. Rovio loves lootboxes so much that they incorporated it into the primary gameplay amirite guys? …What do you mean this has already occurred since 1985?

6. Despite the fact that Red is the last bird unlocked, he somehow still is the worst one for some reason

7. Ice Bird cameos in this game. What an attempt at fanservice, amirite?

8. Hatchlings are very centralized in this game, need I say more?

9. Once again, the birds aren’t- I really can’t bring a good delivery without swearing- nevermind, they’re just not angry at all. How many more times is the literal title of the franchise going to be done a disservice?

10. Oh, there’s an anger meter. Still, even with this mechanic, they might as well call the franchise “Moderately Upset Birds” rather than Angry Birds.

11. Silver’s design looks like a very weird amalgamation of her classic and movie design and I do not like that. Ya know. Icky.

12. The bird’s voices don’t really sound super childish anymore, but still sound really off. They sound more like their movie counterparts than that of Toons.

13. I’m just gonna skip this one again again.

14. Starbucks is canon to Angry Birds now. Dear goodness.

15. This has got to be the single lamest credits screen in any AB game. It’s got no minigames, no artworks, nothing.

16. A life system. *sigh*, how many more bloody times do I have to say that a life system DOESN’T MAKE FREAKING SENSE IN A PUZZLE GAME, IT DEFEATS THE ENTIRE PURPOSE OF PUZZLE GAMES' TRIAL AND ERROR COMPONENT YOU BI-

17. The power-ups in this game are all uninspired and flavorless versions of AB2’s spells. Oh and there’s also Flower Power, which is an uninspired and flavorless version of Mushbloom from AB Friends.

18. Angered Birds sometimes randomly get disabled in non-tutorial levels and I have no clue why.

19. Look at how they massacred my girl, Sunflower

20. You thought that I was done with Angry Birds Blast in part 15? Cuz jokes on you that was a diversion, the AB Blast balloons are in this game ya daft punks

21. “Angered” birds rotate weirdly for some reason, and I wish I could find a proper way to find my recordings of that happening and convert them into gifs, but I can’t, so y’all will just have to take my word.

22. The objectives make less and less sense over time, as we go from popping pigs to saving caged, “ballooned” and frozen hatchlings to freaking reuniting fireflies. Yep.

23. This hatchling looks like she went trough bloody PTSD, I mean, look at her face lmao

24. While this game at least features more birds than just Red, Chuck and Bomb, I have an inkling that Stella and Silver were just added in for gender representation, and plus we’re still missing many more birds.

25. The Pigs seemingly have no reason to be after the “mystic eggs” as remember, minion pigs don’t even like eggs, according to AB Toons lore (although Modern Rovio probably doesn’t give a crap about pre-established lore)

Outro: Alright, one more part to go, Bad Piggies. Unlike this game (where I only played up to level 60 and called it quits afterwards), I actually want to replay trough the entirety of BP in order to thrash on the game in here (but off course also to enjoy it). So expect the last part to take a bit longer than 1 day. Also, I wont be doing any other parts on new games, so that’s that.

Previous Parts for those that wanna read up on them (or read the disclaimers found in parts 1-5):

Part 1: Angry Birds

Part 2: Angry Birds Seasons

Part 3: Angry Birds Rio

Part 4: Angry Birds Friends

Part 5: Angry Birds Space

Part 6: Angry Birds Star Wars

Part 7: Angry Birds Star Wars II

Part 8: Angry Birds Go!

Part 9: Angry Birds Epic

Part 10: Angry Birds Transformers

Part 11: Angry Birds Fight!

Part 12: Angry Birds 2

Part 13: Angry Birds Action

Part 14: Angry Birds Evolution

Part 15: The generic Puzzle game edition

Part 16: Angry Birds Stella

Intro: Heyyyy, remember last post, where I mentioned that I’d return in January and finish this series by February? Yeaahh about that, I had a severe case of a lack of motivation and only now decided to get back to this series, but hey, it’s only slightly later than February, right? Wait, it’s already July? Well, sorry for ghosting ya. Besides that, thanks to my tenacious nature, I still want to finish this series, so here we are. Now normally I’d properly replay the game in order to get info for my sins, but I didn’t really do it properly for reasons that I’ll get into at sin 1. And also also something relating to me exaggerating too. Now, yapping aside, let’s finally get started.

Actual sins wow:

1. Okay, so I said that I’d explain why I didn’t properly replay this game, and that’s because of a glitch that hardlocks the game once you open it twice on modern devices, originally I thought that I could circumvent this issue by disabling my Wi-Fi connection, and it kinda worked, but it still crashed on me recently, despite my countermeasures, so after replaying the game like 5 times in the span of about 6 months, I grew tired of it and just decided to do this now. Yeah, sorry for the long sin, the other ones will be shorter.

2. Ahem, where was I? Right, the sins. Okay, so the game got killed really early, and we didn’t get any more content after Beach Day, which still upsets me 10 years later, since Stella Toons also didn’t provide a proper closure

3. The sounds are so compressed that they seem like someone recorded them on a potato mic and processed them on Windows Vita

4. The pigs react a little too much, I’m all for expressivity, but AB2 kind of handles it better, no offense

5. How in the world can the AB Stella Branch fit within the continuity of the mainline series?

6. Poppy is literally just Willow but worse, since she only goes down, rather than into all directions (given there’s enough rotation room)

7. People really trash too much on the ability of mah boi Luca and I don’t think he deserves it.

8. Stella and Dahlia are superior over everyone else, even their costs reflect it.

9. Gale exists. Yeah. I’ve used her like 5 times in total. Idk why she’s playable

10. The gimmick pigs are decent and all, but da- I mean whew, the camera zoom-in effects that certain pigs such as fat pig and space pig get get annoying after some time

11. Helipig, Ninja Pig, Jetpack Pig, and probably Necromancer Pig just waste your time and do nothing else

12. Speaking of which, Jetpack Pig doesn’t have enough unique traits to not just be “Helipig but he spontaneously combusts”

13. I’ve rammed this point into the ground enough by now.

14. The bloody smokescreens before the Wall of Pigs stages. They are the stupidest thing in the world

15. And also why does the game sometimes randomly ask me to play a character’s tutorial before letting me continue with the map stages?

16. Speaking of the map stages, they use Beach Day’s background ambience instead of Branch Out’s, despite the theme being a forest for these stages. Just like Branch Out.

17. Speaking of speaking of themes in the map stages, the location that is indicated on the map has zero influence on the appearance of the stage, which makes me question why they bothered placing a marker on the rocky area to the north-west of the island in the first place

18. Speaking of speaking of speaking of the map stages, the stupid timers are, actually kind of understandable, but my stance on games preventing you from playing altogether still stands, and I will die on that bloody hill, mark my freaking words.

19. Speaking o- okay enough of that. Anyhow, the map stages are basically the predecessor to AB2’s randomly generated levels, and I don’t like that.

20. Stars are required for extra birds in levels, which wouldn’t be as much of an issue (though it still is) if these birds, if you haven’t hit the star requirement, still gave you the 10000 point bonus, which they don’t. This results in a domino effect that causes you to fall behind even further in stars.

21. Content shouldn’t be locked behind stars in the first place. Regardless of if it’s an entire episode or an extra bird.

22. The requirement for getting 3-stars is engineered in such a way that you still have a good chance to not get it even if you know exactly what to do to maximize your birds’ efficiency, which results in the need for excessive hammer usage or photobook birds, which really pisses me off.

23. Oh and costumes are a thing apparently. Yup, that’s the whole sin

24. Gale has 2 photos that provide her with the same freaking costume. You blockheads could’ve at least made the photo where she doesn’t wear her crown actually get rid of it instead of whatever other moping y’all are doing

25. The credits minigame is way more fun than it deserves to be.

Outro:

Okay, I’d like to quickly mention that only EWW AB Journey and Bad Piggies are left, so expect to see them soon (hopefully)

Previous Parts for those that wanna read up on them (or read the disclaimers found in parts 1-5):

Part 1: Angry Birds

Part 2: Angry Birds Seasons

Part 3: Angry Birds Rio

Part 4: Angry Birds Friends

Part 5: Angry Birds Space

Part 6: Angry Birds Star Wars

Part 7: Angry Birds Star Wars II

Part 8: Angry Birds Go!

Part 9: Angry Birds Epic

Part 10: Angry Birds Transformers

Part 11: Angry Birds Fight!

Part 12: Angry Birds 2

Part 13: Angry Birds Action

Part 14: Angry Birds Evolution

Part 15: The generic Puzzle game edition

Ah, yes, after the Movie, we’ve mostly seen crappy puzzle games which literally aren’t original, so out of pure spite, I’ve rapid fired trough Angry Birds POP, Blast, Match, and Dream Blast in order to get a (somewhat) proper experience for each game. Now, in order to still squeeze the post’s size down to get in 25 sins, I’ll give each game 5 sins, along with 5 sins at the start that apply to each game. So now, chitchat aside, let’s get these games off of my phone before the cookies that I specifically disabled cause me to get bombarded with too many ads for these kind of games

Part 1: General Sins

1. Like I said, all of these games are generic puzzle games with no inspiration that have been stolen and have Angry Birds slapped all over it.

2. All of these games have a Battle Pass. And none of them are worth it. But dang, Fortnite do be spreading

3. These games are either catered to small gen Alpha kids that a lotta Youtubers exploit for free revenue, or to people that use Facebook unironically

4. These games are really stale, Pop is seriously the only game that has some variety in the objectives, the other game’s objectives are just “destroy this element that’s literally always present anyways”

5. Each game sees ludicrous difficulty scaling starting around level 60, which is also a part of the reason as to why I stopped at that point, since the games became too painful to play at that point. This is because losing your streak causes the level as well as the following levels to get 5 times harder, and because the game decides which colors you get, which in turn allows it to heavily rig the difficulty like an arcade game.

Part 2: Angry Birds POP

6. Remember Stella POP? Well, I don’t, but still, changing the game to mainly feature the main flock with Stella’s flock shoved to the sidelines is still a downgrade in terms of flavor

7. Certain character abilities are either recycled renditions of already existing abilities, or are just downright awful. I mean, Rock Pop? More like break 5 bubbles Pop

8. The game’s art style is not really the worst, but it still is a bit more on the generic side

9. Once you beat approximately level 8, you get bombarded with useless side features like guest stars, events, and generic Tower Of Fortune clone #3, talk about integer overflow.

10. The music, while it is original, still mostly consists of remixes of existing AB Stella songs, and wasn’t really changed when they rebranded the game, resulting in King Pig getting Gale’s theme, which doesn’t fit as well because the sinister nature of that song doesn’t fit him well.

Part 3: Angry Birds Blast!

11. Right off the bat, this game has about zero unique assets, nearly every single song and sound effect from this game comes from past games, and most songs that are (re)used loop very badly, especially Stella’s theme from Angry Birds Pop.

12. Apparently there’s a crap-load of clones of the birds, and the game was too lazy to at least pull a Kirby Mass Attack move and give a weird excuse for it

13. Merging 3 or more powerups simply results in the lower level powerups getting wasted, I know that this is a problem with the game’s genre as a whole, but really?

14. The Hatchlings as well as the Piggy Bank are entirely useless side features that give you either small amounts of rewards or nothing at the cost of making the end sequence take way longer than necessary, and the neat part? You can’t skip the animations. Talk about annoying

15. This sin mostly ties to sin 5, but the game constantly is trying to make you lose by giving you the wrong colors and not making your balloons reach the objective. And while you could say that trial and error is common in puzzle games, let me remind you that you are on a freaking life system, which also applies to the other games, heavily nullifying the trial and error argument when the game literally stops you from continuing to play. And- okay screw this, I’ve already made a post on incentive and roadblock systems in games, go search for that.

Part 4: Angry Birds Match

16. Movie designs and Hatchlings, that’s an instant -5 point deduction for me. The other games that I have or will cover also have Hatchlings, but they’re at least not put in the limelight in those games, unlike this one. But hey at least you can hit them in the face with a beachball

17. Every sound in this game sounds so heavily suppressed that I am genuinely not sure if they made or put every piece of this game’s audio trough using the first version of Audacity. Also, every song feels like some generic old-school styled song with loads of whistling.

18. This screenshot below is literally the only point at which I actually enjoyed playing the game, and funnily enough, it didn’t even get me to first place in my league because there’s tryhards in the literal lowest league

19. Also, the game is stuck on Dutch and I have no idea on how to change the language since there’s no language option in the settings. This also applies to Blast and Dream Blast, but this is the first game where this occurred to me (since I played Match before Blast)

20. The winning streak combined with the zen streak combined turn the “lose a level once, lose your streak and get stuck on the level and forced to use powerups” problem up to eleven.

Part 5: Angry Birds Dream Blast

21. They turned the birds into toddlers and got rid of the whole “Angry” part in Angry Birds, and as a result, Red sounds like a 5-year-old child, Chuck does sound a bit younger, and Bomb surprisingly sounds the same besides a slight increase in voice pitch

22. You burn trough moves fast in this game, and they don’t even give you a clear indicator that you’re about to run out of them besides this brief pop-up. Also, the game doesn’t seem to be as dramatic about losing a stage?

23. The game’s chapters don’t serve much of a purpose and repeat after some point. And for the sake of slipping every gripe into these 5 sins, I’ll also add that the level system is also redundant besides for giving you profile pictures and a chest each time you level up.

24. There’s a gacha system in this game. It’s not central, but it’s still there so I have the full right to complain

25. The gameplay is exactly the same as that of Sugar Blast. Hey and also this same streak break problem that's in Match is in this game

Part 6: Closure and proper honest opinion

Now, in order to close this post, I’d like to rank each game and give my honest opinion on each of these.

Angry Birds POP: Started the bland puzzle game trend, but still has some effort put into it since it was made around the end of Rovio’s good days. But it is has still been heavily monetized later on.

Angry Birds Blast: A lazy game that has this many reused assets and ideas that it honestly is lower in quality than the average university project that software engineers have to make for their end project. And boy does Rovio want to leech every single asset in this game dry for the money

Angry Birds Match: Exists solely for the sake of filling the Match 3 genre and uses Hatchlings as a central point. Also has too many long unskippable animations for no apparent reason. Also reuses those freaking renders that Sony made for the Movie again and again. I’m seriously tired of seeing these.

Angry Birds Dream Blast: This is the only one of this quad of games that I had never played before, and I gotta say, it’s actually not the worst, partially because I set the bar very low. But still, it’s got unique assets, doesn’t suffer from ridiculous difficulty scaling and I did lowkey like a bit of the gameplay while I was rushing to get to level 60 on Christmas Eve. But that off course doesn’t result in it being void of problems and gripes, and I whouldn’t play this game for other purposes besides this, but still.

Now, here’s my final ranking of these games

1. Angry Birds POP

2. Angry Birds Dream Blast

3. (By a long distance compared to the top 2) Angry Birds Match

4. Angry Birds Blast!

That’s about it, see ya in the next month with EWW AB Journey, Stella and Bad Piggies

Previous Parts for those that wanna read up on them:

Part 1: Angry Birds

Part 2: Angry Birds Seasons

Part 3: Angry Birds Rio

Part 4: Angry Birds Friends

Part 5: Angry Birds Space

Part 6: Angry Birds Star Wars

Part 7: Angry Birds Star Wars II

Part 8: Angry Birds Go!

Part 9: Angry Birds Epic

Part 10: Angry Birds Transformers

Part 11: Angry Birds Fight!

Part 12: Angry Birds 2

Part 13: Angry Birds Action

Part 14: Angry Birds Evolution

He-hey, look who stumbled upon this place again? Either way, I've kind of already left, as you can tell, as I’m very occasionally lurking here. But that doesn’t stop me from really wanting to finish this series. I've got plans to combine the entry about the generic puzzle games in one, but I haven't played like half of them, so I'll have to do that first. Along with that, I also want to make an entry for Journey, Bad Piggies, Stella and possibly Reloaded with the help of some people who do own an iPhone, since I don't. I don’t know if I need to disclose this, but the original series were by Mike4678. Hey and to add to this mess of an intro, most of this post is just me nitpicking small things and complaining about everything that I can complain about, so this post is not entirely true to my actual opinions. Now, with that out of the way, let’s err get evolvin’?

1. Ah, Angry Birds Evolution, a.k.a. Angry Birds Action 2: Electric Boogaloo

2. This game tries way too hard to be all edgy. Remember what happened when SEGA tried to be edgy? Yeah, the result wasn’t that great.

3. The original flock wasn’t present in the story initially, but rather only available as event characters that are stupidly difficult to obtain without emptying your wallet, so later, they added lower power versions of said characters just so that they’re still present in the story. But the 5-star event variants of these characters are still available in events. That’s kind of forced, innit?

4. Clans really feel like they’re just there for that one clan quest thing. Seriously tough, that’s it? No donating?

5. The Blues don’t appear outside of some weird mecha thingy, despite the blue colored characters obviously being based off of them

6. So, the characters just sorta take a snooze cruise after attacking? Like, c’mon, is running around that exhausting that you freaking fall asleep on the battlefield?

7. The white bird ability is nowhere based off of Matilda. Apparently it’s hard to stay consistent with everything else?

8. The roadblock quests are genuinely a pain in the butt, they just give a feeling of story and do nothing else besides slowing down the game’s pace. Period.

9. You can mess up a sequence where a pig is supposed to escape by killing him with overlevelled birds, so what does the game do? Turn a blind eye and pretend that he did escape successfully. Scripted events are hard to make, I know.

10. Terence with a tuxedo is both the best thing that I ever wanted and really disturbing.

11. No Hal? No Stella? No Bubbles? No Ki- Okay you know what, scratch that, I’m gonna be busy all day if I don’t stop with this now

12. You can’t change your slogan for arena banner fights, resulting in the slogan “you’ll never defeat my awesome team of birds” always displaying under these circumstances. Quite cringy, innit?

13. Apparently you can hatch adult birds from eggs. Cool

14. Also this game has a gacha system because money

15. King Pig as well as Leonard have been snapped out of existence and replaced by this generic rich pig dude

16. The pigs have turned berserk because of some weird poison thing. Hmm, I wonder where that plot point’s been used before?

17. The game just starts recycling stuff after you’ve completed it, and the worst part is that they try to hide it. Seriously, a decent amount of games do this, but they at least admit to it.

18. The music is a bit more on the generic side

19. Like all games with this rarity-based gacha system, low rarity birds fall off faster than the school grades of your average school bully

20. Most designs are a bit too realistic, which ends up with them looking a bit eerie

21. Also, most birds are generic, forgettable and lack personality

22. Due to the 2 branch-evolution system, you are allowed to own and use multiple of the same bird. Quite logical.

23. The voice lines are really annoying, and they didn’t make any unique voice lines for anyone

24. I have no idea why this game has a backstab mechanic gimmick

25. Okay, the game is overly edgy, the plot and characters are generic, the gameplay loop gets stale faster than a bottle of milk outside of the fridge, and the entire dam- I mean freaking game is a cash grab, you hear me?

Okay, expect me to release the next parts within a span of now until February at most, and afterwards I’m probably going to move on from this place (and possibly from the Discord server too)

Previous Parts:

Part 1: Angry Birds

Part 2: Angry Birds Seasons

Part 3: Angry Birds Rio

Part 4: Angry Birds Friends

Part 5: Angry Birds Space

Part 6: Angry Birds Star Wars

Part 7: Angry Birds Star Wars II

Part 8: Angry Birds Go!

Part 9: Angry Birds Epic

Part 10: Angry Birds Transformers

Part 11: Angry Birds Fight!

Part 12: Angry Birds 2

Part 13: Angry Birds Action